zeeshan khan
Once upon a time, I worked with a colleague who always had to be the smartest person in the room. Meetings turned into monologues, credit was hoarded, and teamwork felt like a battle. Sound familiar? Handle Narcissism and Egos at work is exhausting. You might feel ignored, undervalued, or even gaslit. But here’s the good news you’re not powerless. Whether it’s a boss who dominates conversations or a coworker who can’t accept feedback, learning how to handle narcissism and egos can save your sanity and career.
In this guide, you’ll Learn
- The difference between narcissism and big egos (yes, there’s one!)
- Real-life strategies to manage difficult personalities without losing your cool
- How to protect your mental health in a toxic environment
- Ways to foster a healthier workplace culture
Let’s get Started
1. Narcissism in the Workplace
Narcissism isn’t just about vanity, it’s a deep need for admiration and lack of empathy. A narcissistic coworker might:
- Take credit for your ideas
- React aggressively to criticism
- Manipulate conversations to stay in control
Example: Sarah’s manager would publicly praise her work but privately claim it as his own. When she confronted him, he dismissed her as “overly sensitive.”
Tips for handling the situation
- Document everything (emails, project contributions)
- Set boundaries avoid emotional reactions
- Seek allies (HR or trusted colleagues)
2. Big Egos in the Workplace
Big egos are different; they crave validation but aren’t necessarily manipulative. Think of the coworker who always talks about their achievements.
Example: Jake, one of our sales reps, kept bringing up his so-called ‘record-breaking deals’ during meetings. It often derailed the conversation and made it hard to stay focused
How to handle it:
- Acknowledge their wins (sometimes ego needs fuel)
- Redirect focus (“That’s great, Jake! How can we apply that to the team?”)
- Don’t compete it’s a losing battle
3. Key Differences Between Narcissism and Big Egos
| Trait | Narcissism | Big Ego |
|---|---|---|
| Empathy | Low often uses people for personal gain | Present seeks praise and approval |
| Response to Feedback | Hostile and defensive | Defensive, but may still listen |
| Manipulation | Common includes gaslighting and lies | Rare more boastful than deceptive |
Pro Tip: Narcissists damage teams long-term; big egos are annoying but manageable.
4.Managing Narcissism and Big Egos
1. Set FIRM Boundaries (Like Concrete Walls):
This is non-negotiable. With big egos, it might mean politely but firmly interrupting: “Dave, I appreciate your input, let me finish my point.” With narcissists, it’s often about limiting exposure and emotional engagement. Don’t share personal vulnerabilities. Keep conversations task-focused. “Sarah, I need this report by EOD for the client meeting,” is better than, “Sarah, please can you try to get this done?”
2. Document Everything (Seriously, Everything):
Especially crucial with narcissists. Email summaries after verbal agreements: “Per our chat, I’ll handle X, you’ll deliver Y by Z date.” Save praise you receive. Keep a factual log of incidents (date, time, what happened, who witnessed). This isn’t petty; it’s protection.
3. Manage Up (Strategically):
Frame issues to your manager in terms of project impact, not personality clashes. Instead of “Sarah is impossible,” try: “Sarah’s repeated changes to the agreed scope after sign-off are causing significant delays and budget overruns. Here’s the timeline impact documented…” Focus on facts and results.
4. Build Your Support Network:
Find trusted colleagues (often others are suffering too). Vent safely and strategically. Validate each other’s experiences. This is crucial for maintaining perspective and sani
- For narcissists: Limit one-on-one time, stay neutral, avoid personal info.
- For big egos: Give structured praise (“Your report helped because…”).
One thing that worked for me: When dealing with a narcissistic boss, I would present my suggestions as if they were their own ideas like, ‘You mentioned this approach before, should we give it a try?’ It actually worked!
5. Create a Balanced Workplace Culture
Model the Behavior:
Give credit publicly. Actively listen. Show genuine appreciation for diverse contributions. Celebrate team wins, not just individual stars. Be reliable and accountable.
Promote Psychological Safety:
In your sphere of influence (meetings you run, projects you lead), encourage quieter voices. “Thanks for those ideas, Dave. Anya, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this aspect.” Make it safe to ask questions or admit mistakes without fear of ridicule.
Support Fair Processes:
Advocate for clear project roles, documented expectations, and objective performance metrics. This reduces the ambiguity where narcissists and unchecked egos often thrive.
- Encourage teamwork (shared goals > individual stars)
- Promote humility (leaders should model it)
- Call out toxicity politely but firmly
Read More: What is Narcissism?
6. How to Handle Narcissism and Egos
Detach Emotionally:
Easier said than done, I know! But remember: Their behavior is about them, not a reflection of your worth or competence. Don’t internalize their criticism or attempts to diminish you. See it as their malfunction, not yours.
Focus on Your Circle of Control:
You can’t change Sarah or Dave. You can control your reactions, your boundaries, your documentation, and where you focus your energy. Pour effort into your work, your growth, and your positive relationships.
Key Points to Handle Narcissism and Egos
- Stay professional, don’t engage in power struggles.
- Focus on results and let your work speak for you.
- Know when to leave if mental health suffers, prioritize yourself.
Conclusion: Handle Narcissism and Egos
Dealing with difficult personalities is tough, but you’ve got this. Small shifts like setting boundaries or using strategic praise can make a huge difference. Remember: their behavior isn’t about you.
Struggling with a toxic coworker? Share your story below or bookmark this for your next rough day at work!
FAQs:
1. Can a narcissistic boss change?
Unlikely without therapy. Focus on protecting yourself, document issues and seek HR if needed.
2. How do I stay confident around egotistical coworkers?
Prep before meetings (know your points), and don’t let their loudness drown your value.
3. Is it worth confronting a narcissist?
Rarely. They’ll deflect blame. Try indirect methods (e.g., group feedback).
