Hajra Naz
“Who’d you back in the election?”
“What’d your place set you back?”
”What are some of your hopes or goals for the next few years?”
We generally understand that specific topics are off-limits in casual gatherings.
However, according to Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks, some seemingly innocent questions can be just as unwelcome.Â
Brooks, who teaches a popular MBA course about effective communication for business and personal success, has studied these conversation patterns extensively.
“The most magnetic personalities often excel simply because they listen attentively,” she explains.
This careful listening helps them ask thoughtful questions that genuinely engage others. But some questions show disinterest rather than curiosity.
In her recent publication “Talk: The Science Of Conversation And The Art of Being Ourselves,” Brooks highlights three question types that skilled conversationalists typically avoid.
1. ‘Boomerang’ questions
This involves asking something only so you can immediately answer it yourself, Brooks explains in her work.
“Driven by wanting to share personal information without appearing self-centered, these folks might ask ‘How was your weekend?’ only to immediately launch into describing their own,” she writes.
A lack of self-awareness is evident in such inquiries.
It’s better to be direct than to disguise your want to convey something about yourself as interest in the other person.
2. Challenge questions
Brooks describes these as questions designed to test another person’s knowledge. Even when asked out of genuine curiosity, they often feel confrontational.
For example, if a colleague mentions enjoying a new series, responding with “Really? I heard it wasn’t great. What exactly did you enjoy about it?” could make them feel defensive.
The questioning tone might suggest you’re trying to prove them wrong or highlight their poor judgment.
3. Persistent questions
Repeatedly asking for the same information, even with different wording, can feel aggressive.
“These differ from gentle information-seeking follow-ups,” Brooks wrote. “They come across more like someone refusing to drop an issue.”
When someone seems reluctant to provide certain details, it’s best to move on.
Questions worth asking
Effective questioning comes from truly listening and showing interest in others’ experiences, Brooks suggests.
If someone mentions vacationing in Paris, resist immediately sharing about your trip there.Â
Instead, a thoughtful conversation asks supportive questions like “Was this your first visit?” or “Which landmarks did you explore?”
“Skilled conversationalists use plenty of follow-up questions,” Brooks notes. “They reference topics mentioned earlier. This makes the other person feel truly recognized and appreciated.”
